Six Steps Parents can take in the Vile and Vulgar Era of Trump

Six Steps Parents can take in the Vile and Vulgar Era of Trump

K. Powell Sears Ph.D.

Twitter:@100happymoments

Karen Powell Sears is a faculty member in the Department of Anthropology and Anthropology at Denison University. She holds a Ph.D. in sociology from the University of Connecticut.  Her research examines social inequalities in the health among persons in the United States and Caribbean.  Her work centers on the mental and physical health experiences of women, Afro-Caribbean immigrants, African Americans, and sexual minorities.  In her most recent work, she employs comparative health analyses of abused Black women in the US and Caribbean.  She lives in Columbus, Ohio with her husband and two teenaged sons.

*This paper is adapted from her March 2017 article, “Parenting in the Era of Trump”

Parenting is really hard work, and this president is making it even harder. Explaining to your children why it’s acceptable for the leader of the free world to coddle and compliment Nazis, tell boy scouts stories of sexual escapades, call African American male athletes son’s of bitches, grab women by the pussy, and hit a female political opponent with a golf ball makes our work harder.  This president is inexcusably vile and vulgar.  His behavior is been morally reprehensible.  If you have a friend or family member who behaves this way, you likely avoid bringing them into contact with your children.  Unfortunately, we are less able to keep our children away from all things Trump.  Our children have been exposed to Trump’s unabashed vulgarity on the television, Twitter, and in the actions of school children modeling the brutish bigotry of their commander and chief.

Data from the Southern Poverty Law Center suggests that incidents of racial, religious and ethnic hostility in schools across the country have skyrocketed since the beginning of Trump’s presidential campaign.  A recent report revealed more than 50 incidents in 26 different states in which Trump’s name or campaign messages were used to harass students in the previous school year (Cowrie 2017). Many parents like me, with children schooled in predominantly white school districts have been painfully aware of the ways that Trump’s angry bitter, bigoted vulgarity has seeped into our children’s social spaces.  We have been left searching for answers for how best to respond to the more frequent and bold assaults on our children.

Let’s be honest. Trump has not been good for our emotional and mental health.  We have been dealing with this since Trump oozed off his namesake tower escalator into our collective psyche.   On most days when I check Twitter before my feet hit the floor, I can feel my heart increase it’s pace as I read about Trumps latest incident of dishonesty or disrespect.  Thankfully, I have the wisdom and experience to deep breathe, refocus, and remind myself that Trump is not worthy of a negative emotional response.  (Truthfully, I avoid even saying his name in my head or out loud as a self-protective measure. The only reason I’m not referring to him as 45 in this piece is for clarity of message).  I use various self-protective measures to reduce my Trump related angst and keep focused on my big picture: The joy and gift of life is irrespective of Trump.   This emotional redirection takes practice and a considerable about of deliberate contemplation.  Our children have not lived long enough to develop and demonstrate these self-care practices without our assistance.  It’s our job as parents to empower them with strategies that can help them shield them from the psychic and emotional harm that can come from the current Trump Renaissance of racial, ethnic and religious hostility. Parenting in this context must be intentional and proactive.  Here are six things that parents can do today:

1.     Articulate the Era of Trump as Problematic.  Be intentional in naming Trump's behavior and ideals as problematic.  Define and describe Trumpian behavior and tell your children exactly why it’s gross, dangerous and disgusting. Silence in the face of injustice is complicity. Trump’s hateful rhetoric offers an opportunity for us to reinforce our value systems, and explain the ways that we are ideologically opposed to division, anger and hate. Engaging our children in conversations about our principles of morality, inclusion and social justice can provide a useful counter-narrative in the face of Trump inspired hostility.  Our children need to know specifically what we stand for and what we stand against in order to promote their sense of social justice and resilience. Find age appropriate ways to describe Trumpian examples of Islamaphobia, misogyny and racial and ethnic and animus. The goal of naming this behavior as problematic is to never normalize the anger, fear and hostility that have anchored his candidacy and presidency. Parents can’t assume that their children will automatically recognize examples of misogyny, Islamaphobia and racism in their social or schooling environment.  Framing these issues as problematic makes your moral boundaries clear and will help your children clarify their own values.

2.     Actively Engage History.  Trump has reinvigorated public demonstrations of racial and ethnic hatred.  The tragic death of Heather Heyer and brutal beating of DeAndre Harris in Charlottesville, Virginia make this reality painfully clear. As disturbing as it is to see white supremacist figures reclaim the spotlight, white supremacy is nothing new.  Racism and racist never left. White supremacist ideology is foundational to our cultural and institutional fabric. Trump has simply sounded a bugle of bigotry that is air-powered by economic and racial fear.  He’s not the first and he won’t be the last.  The Southern Strategy, Jim Crow and Willie Horton came before him.   Scholars have been interrogating racist ideologies, policies and practices for centuries. Scholar-activists such as WEB Dubois, Justice Thurgood Marshall, Bayard Rustin, and Septima Clark have provided us with templates for responding to this historical moment.  Allow the past to be a light to the present.  Help your children to use the lessons of the past to process the emotional and social challenges that have accompanied Trump’s political rise. Our children need to know that Trump’s hateful rhetoric is only the most recent revival of America’s racist traditions. Children need to know that these issues have been litigated in social and legal spheres and found to be unacceptable and unconstitutional. Reading historical biographies and social movement narratives can help children develop efficacy and empower them to create social change.  It’s our job to demonstrate acceptable and available responses to injustice and discrimination.  Teach your children that people before them developed effective resistance strategies in response to the denial of citizenship rights, housing, employment, and social access.  Provide them with examples of activists and social justice warriors that paved the way for the civil rights advances that we continue to enjoy today.  It is imperative that our children never experience hopelessness in response to this temporary period of Trump.   

3.     Solicit your Child’s Schooling Narrative.  I call this an inclusion check in.  This is particularly important for children attending (PWPSI) Predominantly White Primary and Secondary Institutions.  Students of color and religious minority students have been at greater risk for Trump inspired hostility at schools with low and growing numbers of minority students.  Ask your child how things are going in school with an eye and ear out for peer, student, staff and teacher dynamics. Do not assume that because your children have not told you about problematic experiences, they haven’t had them.  Many children may not have the language to describe their emotions related to encounters of racial and ethnic hostility in their schools. Children may vary in the amount of time that it takes them to process and articulate painful experiences, if they are able to relay them at all.  Many children may tend to avoid revisiting painful experiences. Make sure that the lines of communication are open and that you are using them regularly.  Our life experiences and maturity make us better prepared to identify microaggressions, subtle and passive discriminatory acts, as well as overt experiences of aggression. Asking questions can allow you to help your child avert in-school conflicts and negative consequences.  It can also enable you to intervene in school matters, if necessary, before problem issues escalate.

4.     Write and call your child’s teachers and administrators to report concerns and to make inquiries. Alert your school when Trump related bigotry or abuse rears its’ ugly head in your child’s school.  It is not necessary to have vast detail to report a concern. The litmus test should be your child’s experience.  If you are not sure what happened, it’s ok to call the school to have them help you fill in the blanks.  This can allow the school to be vigilant in prevent conflicts from escalating.  Provide the school an opportunity to make it better. Often times, by the time the incidents get to the teacher and administrator they have been in development for a while. When your children describe vague incidents without vast detail, contact schooling partners to help you develop a more complete narrative of events. When problems are confirmed, remain in communication with the school to seek and offer actionable ideas to solve the problem.  Be mindful that your goal is tangible results.  Encourage the school representatives to take concrete, measurable steps in response to your concerns.  Your child’s school is responsible for maintaining a safe and equitable learning environment for all children.  It may be helpful to document persistent patterns of hostility to provide concrete support for change. Seek out social justice allies in teachers, administrators, staff and community members who are opposed to Trump’s vulgarity and committed to equity, justice and decency.

5.     Build a Coalition with Parents.  Find other parents who are willing to take a moral stand against incivility inspired, validated and celebrated by Trump. In a PWPSI you need to take the temperature of the school by finding out about the experiences of other parents.  It’s essential that you know who your children’s friends are, and have a method for contacting their parents.  There is no way for you to understand if there is a pattern of behavior in your school without having access to the narratives of other parents. A simple, “How have you experienced the district,” can provide insight into your family’s experience. You can find out if your experience is an anomaly, or if other parents share similar concerns.

6.     Actively promote and demand evidence of inclusion in curriculum, hiring, policies and practices.  Parents must hold districts accountable for developing opportunities for inclusion across the schooling environment. Hold leaders accountable for promoting inclusion in curriculum, hiring, policies and practices. Inclusion is a federal mandate, not a favor.  Schedule meetings with school and district administrators to identify practices and plans for inclusion and anti-racist practices. Partner with similarly interested parents to collectively present concerns and ask for answers. Find strength in numbers by working with other parents toward longer term plans for systemic change.  Such cooperative action can help schooling agents recognize issues are patterns that need to be addressed rather than isolated incidents.

  Demonstrating these strategies for our children can model resistance, resilience and problem solving.  They will see clearly that we refuse to accept Trump’s compromised moral frame as normative, and that we are unshaken in our commitment to their moral development and success.